Weekly Nugget of Wisdom #47

My Name is Zeneca, and I am a Dopamineholic

Welcome to another Nugget of Wisdom! These are designed to be short and sweet, a quick read to (hopefully) impart some sort of wisdom, or at the very least to get you thinking about something interesting.

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My Name is Zeneca, and I am a Dopamineholic

My brain is fried. Burnt. Toasted. Frizzled. Frazzled. Cactus.

I have been feeling the degradation for a while but in recent months and especially the last few weeks, it has gotten so much worse. I can’t hold attention on anything. I can’t focus on tasks. I can’t complete anything. I can’t follow through with commitments. I am watching myself turn into a potato in real time, and I can see it happening, I know it’s happening, and it is still nigh impossible for me to stop it.

I think I am addicted to dopamine. I have always had an addictive personality. It has manifested throughout my entire life, from reading, to video games, to trading cards, to poker, to alcohol, to golf, to trading, to writing, everything. When I get infatuated with something, I go all-in, get ultra obsessed, and find it difficult to focus on something else.

It’s both a superpower and a curse. It has benefited me greatly at times, and it has brought me to the brink of ruin. Whatever “normal” people have in their brains that helps them regulate and find “balance”, I do not have. I find it so much more difficult than most people to say no to that next drink, or to say no to that next hit of dopamine, wherever it’s coming from.

I don’t know how to fix it either. I have tried many things lately: taking a break from all screens, no phone in the morning, greyscale mode on my phone, reading physical books, doing puzzles, walks without my phone, driving without listening to a podcast, eating without watching a TV show, deleting all video games from my computer, etc etc. They are all temporary fixes, and they do help, but I always find myself succumbing to the lure of the infinite dopamine machine and falling back into my old habits again.

The world is working against you

Dopamine is insidious. We talk about it like it is the pleasure chemical, but it is closer to the wanting chemical. Dopamine fires before the reward, not after, and so it leaves us in a constant state of anticipation, of being pulled towards the next thing, the next hit.

Your phone knows this, and the people who built every app you open understand it better than you or I ever will. The infinite scroll, the pull to refresh, the little red notification dot. None of it is an accident. It works the same way a slot machine works, and the payout is a reward you never fully predict (or even understand).

Variable rewards are the strongest hook we know of. A pigeon will peck a lever far longer when the food comes out at random than when it comes out every time. You and I? Sorry to break it to you, but we are pigeons.

When you flood your brain with cheap stimulation all day, your baseline for pleasure climbs. Quiet starts to feel like boredom, and a walk without a podcast feels like wasted time, or worse, it feels scary because you might have to be alone with your own thoughts.

A book becomes hard work. I noticed this with my own attention over the last few years. I used to read for hours. Now I feel a pull to check something after a few pages. My brain got trained, and not by me.

Your brain needs to be bored

Here is what I have come to believe. All of my best thoughts come from when I am doing nothing in particular. Walking, sitting in the shower, lying in bed before sleep.

There is a network in your brain called the default mode network. It switches on when you are not focused on a task. It is where a lot of your reflection and creative connection happens. Fill every idle moment with a screen and you never let it run.

You are trading the long term for a hit of nothing in the moment. It is a negative EV play you make a hundred times a day, except in the moment, it feels like you’re making a lot of little micro wins cause of the instant pleasure you’re getting.

Insidious.

What’s the fix?

Honestly, I kinda don’t know what to do at this point.

This is not a new problem. People have been talking about dopamine issues for years. There are infinite resources and ideas out there for how to fix things: leave your phone outside the bedroom, use apps that limit your screen time, block out time to be offline, no phone for the first hour of the day, yadda yadda yadda.

Those are all well and good but it’s one thing to know what to do, it’s another to be able to implement the solutions and then stick to them.

When you’re addicted to dopamine and your brain is fried, you’re in the worst possible state to be able to fight back. The tools you need to fight with (your brain, your willpower) have been weakened by the very thing you need them to fight against.

I honestly feel exactly the same way I felt when I was dealing with my alcohol addiction. It took me 15 years to kick that addiction. I’m not going to say that this is more difficult overall, but in some ways it definitely is.

You see, with alcohol, you can quit it in its entirety. I haven’t had a drink in 6.5 years, and I don’t ever have to have another drink for the rest of my life. But dopamine? I can’t “quit” that. I can’t eliminate all the sources of dopamine (nor do I want to). Perhaps I can eliminate all sources of “cheap” dopamine, but even that is tough, because we live in a world that all-but-requires the use of social media if your work is in the online realm.

Honestly, I am at a loss.

I’m going to try a 3 day break from screens and cheap dopamine and see if that helps heal me enough to be able to put in place some guardrails and then stick to them.

For the next 72hrs I won’t be using a computer. I will only use my phone for the most basic chat and actual telephone purposes, I won’t watch TV, I won’t play video games, I won’t listen to podcasts, I won’t eat junk food.

I did a similar thing a week or two ago for about 12hrs and it helped, but clearly not enough. So this is trying the same thing but taking it to the next level.

I think this is not an uncommon feeling out there. Maybe I am in a bit of a worse place than most right now, but speaking with friends and strangers-on-the-internet lately, I get the sense that almost everyone is feeling some level of this in their souls.

Anyway. Wish me luck. I’ll see y’all in 3 days, back with another Letter to kick next week off. I won’t be in Discord, Telegram, or on X until then. I won’t be playing video games, I won’t be trading, I won’t be behind a screen.

Time to try and enjoy the real world again, and heal my brain.

Hopefully 🤞.

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Disclaimer: The content covered in this newsletter is not to be considered as investment advice. I’m not a financial adviser. These are only my own opinions and ideas. You should always consult with a professional/licensed financial adviser before trading or investing in any cryptocurrency related product. Some of the links shared may be referral links.